I am not ready for this Advent, I mean.... I don't want it to come. I would just rather forget about this season, about Christmas, this year. There are lots of reasons why. It isn't uncommon. People have felt that way before, I guess it is just my turn.
There are expectations to the season, and I will do my best to meet them. (There is, after all, a little boy I am deeply in love with.) But for now at least, this season feels heavy, cumbersome, dark.
Advent is a season of growing darkness. Except for perhaps the last few, the days grow shorter, and darkness seems to descend in mid-afternoon. Nights grow longer. When dealing with situations which feel beyond control, with questions swirling in my mind, plans, decisions difficult to make, darkness doesn't always help. There is enough to be bleak about.
A hymn of this season, "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," is a favorite of mine. I think it is because of its minor key. Tonight it just feels right.
I thought about that name, Emmanuel. Remember where it appears in the Nativity story? An angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and reminded him of the prophecy: "Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel." Joseph is trying to come to terms with Mary's pregnancy. And an angel appears.
The thing is, the angel doesn't give him a solution to his struggle. He simply gives him a name, a presence. God with us.
