A Blog about Life,and the direction it is taking me... faith, health, politics, good food and anything else that interests me.
Monday, December 1, 2014
As the Advent season begins, I looked at my motivation for writing again. I suppose for me it is part of my (for lack of a better term) spiritual practice. I want to focus my mind and my heart, to find light in the growing darkness.
The idea of a spiritual practice seems strange to me. Practice - as though there was something to prepare for, something new. This is different then preparing a role in a play, or a song for performance. There isn't a moment when the curtain goes up. But the practice still counts. Every time we have to go back and do it again, every time we have to say "I'm sorry," every time we pick ourselves up from failure, it's for real. Life counts. It has consequences. The point , of practice is, in the best sense, is growth. I am a better cook when I practice to learn new things. I am a better writer when I practice reading and writing. I am a better person when I see every day as an opportunity to practice being human.
This is a practice life. The yearly story of Advent through Christmas, Lent to Easter, is practice to go nowhere but to God, to ourselves. We do not practice for success or perfection. We have room to try and try again, to keep growing, to keep changing.
For those who know me, this isn't anything new. It is a reoccurring theme. I am weeks away from celebrating my sixtieth Christmas, and I have to remind myself that I am wonderfully and uniquely created in the image of God, and worthy to be loved. I am more practiced at sharing that truth, then at realizing it myself. And so I practice, speaking it, writing it, singing it, that I might hear in ways I have not before. And I am, I am.
Or at least I am practicing.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
An Advent Journal: On the road to ....?
I am not ready for this Advent, I mean.... I don't want it to come. I would just rather forget about this season, about Christmas, this year. There are lots of reasons why. It isn't uncommon. People have felt that way before, I guess it is just my turn.
There are expectations to the season, and I will do my best to meet them. (There is, after all, a little boy I am deeply in love with.) But for now at least, this season feels heavy, cumbersome, dark.
Advent is a season of growing darkness. Except for perhaps the last few, the days grow shorter, and darkness seems to descend in mid-afternoon. Nights grow longer. When dealing with situations which feel beyond control, with questions swirling in my mind, plans, decisions difficult to make, darkness doesn't always help. There is enough to be bleak about.
A hymn of this season, "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," is a favorite of mine. I think it is because of its minor key. Tonight it just feels right.
I thought about that name, Emmanuel. Remember where it appears in the Nativity story? An angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and reminded him of the prophecy: "Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel." Joseph is trying to come to terms with Mary's pregnancy. And an angel appears.
The thing is, the angel doesn't give him a solution to his struggle. He simply gives him a name, a presence. God with us.
Perhaps for now that is enough. O come, O come and find us in the dark.
It's been a long time, and fresh starts are ripe with opportunity. So let's start again! Welcome to Dangling Toes... Important thoughts written at leisure. Many things have occurred in my life, as I am sure, they have for you... There has been growth, joy, tears, and laughter. I have changed, whether that is good or bad, I make no judgement. After all, it is what I do with those changes that counts.
My mind is singing a song that I value, a mantra I would seek to live.... five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes....
It is a season of love, and I promise to try to communicate better, at least on here.... I want to talk about some of those changes, and for me, that is somewhat scary and joyful... But stay tuned. It will at least provide a smile, if not a tear. There is more to come.... Shalom always - KDT
Monday, May 2, 2011
I have been feeling uneasy all day. Last night I closed down the computer early, and crawled into bed to read so I didn't know anything about the President's announcement about the killing of Osama bin Laden until early this morning. Today, I haven't been able to get the thought out of my mind, and believe me, I so want too. I suspect that it is an occupational hazard for me (and others like me) that we have to add or comment on significant happenings. yet, I am not at all sure that I have anything constructive to say. ( I have after all, read the Huffington Post today). I guess I am just writing out of the hope that it may help me get my jumbled thoughts out...
I can't figure out what it is we are celebrating today. Yes, I know that Osama bin Laden is dead. I know that he has been the face of evil personified since Sept. 11, 2001. I know that "we" are viewing this as a victory in the 'war on terror.' But really, what have we won? Is the world any safer because he is gone? If so, why the warnings about possible retaliation attacks? We tend to think that Sept. 11 marked the beginning of terror attacks, but that certainly is not the case. Let's not forget Northern Ireland, Oklahoma City, and far too many other places and occasions to list.
I think Sept. 11 was a nightmarish wake-up call to face the cruel realities of our changing world. Terror isn't going anywhere quickly. We are not one bit safer because our Navy Seals killed him. We will still endure security checkpoints, and invasive body scans. I don't see our National Security priorities changing in the near future. I suspect in the upcoming political season we are still going to hear charges and debates about soft on security, etc..., and see the whipping up of our sentiments of fear.
I heard talk today about this bringing a "sense of closure," to the nation and particularly to those who lost loved ones in the 9-11 attacks. It might end a chapter, but it will certainly not be "closure." Their grief did not end with bin Laden's death. What happened a day or so ago was revenge not justice.
I received a phone call this afternoon from a pastor who was thinking about hosting a service of thanksgiving over this event. I was incredulous (and speechless, if you can believe that). I refused incidentally. This is not a victory for Christianity, and I am grateful for a President who made a point of reminding us, that we are not at war with Muslims. A friend of mine wrote "Bin Laden didn't represent Muslims any more than Fred Phelps or Terry Jones speak for all of Christianity." (I like that). I can't figure out how Christians can celebrate this death as if it were some sort of victory... The One that I follow said "Love your enemies." I pretty sure he didn't mean love them with a machine gun.
I know, I know, that I am often accused, or labeled, as 'unpatriotic'. And I probably am. I myself say "I am a lousy patriot, but I am a damn, fine citizen." And in my view, citizenship is far more important then flag waving. But we didn't win anything here. We are reduced to living in fear, and getting even. So I don't see this as any sort of victory. Yes, an evil man has died, and he died via evil means. We reduced our ideals to his level to fight terrorism. This wasn't justice. This was revenge. Maybe it has a place. Maybe it was the only way. I don't know. But while I acknowledge the valor and bravery, the ingenuity of our intelligence officials and military in carrying out their orders, I grieve at our sell out of "justice for all." This wasn't the rule of law. This was revenge. And it makes us less then the people I hope we can always be.
People will call me naive, or idealistic perhaps. I want always to be so...
I have been pretty quiet on here the last couple of weeks, I know.
This week I've been getting ready for "Turkey Day". Here is the menu for tomorrow. Roasted Turkey w/ cornbread sage stuffing Mashed Potatoes w/ cheese and bacon Roasted Brussel Sprouts w/ honey and dried cranberries Balsamic Onions in a light cream sauce Candied Apple Cider braised carrots Refrigerator Rolls New York Cheesecake w/ blueberry lime sauce Pumpkin Pie plus a few other sundries...
Yes, I agree, it sounds as if I am going to be a thankful boy.
It's easy to get the meal ready for Thanksgiving. I know what I am doing, and who I am doing it for.
I just don't always know how to get my life ready. This year, that's where I am having a struggle; mid-life crisis; parental deaths; not losing weight as quickly as I want; I don't know why, and I struggling to find my way through this "morose". Oh, I know that this isn't unusual. I know that this will pass. But for right now, it sucks.
Today, there have been words rattling around in my brain. They are familiar to many of us.
Through many dangers, toils, and snares I have already come 'tis grace that brought me safe this far and grace will lead me home
A couple of hundred years ago, men and women sat down at a table to give thanks. I know that their table will not in any way resemble the table I will sit down to tomorrow. I know that in some ways what they were doing those many years ago was simply saying thanks for the fact that they were not dead, given all that they had experienced. I know I am not facing anything like that, and I have much more for which to give thanks than did our ancestors. But I can't see any farther around the bend than they could, so maybe I should follow their path. They were simply saying thank you for what they knew and believed. Maybe that is enough.
May your thanksgiving last longer than a day... may it last a lifetime.
It has been just over a week since dad died, and I am struggling to put his life, our relationship, and his role in my life into some kind of perspective. To be honest, I am not sure that I am having any success. Every time I try to put words on paper or screen my mind goes blank, despite my heart being full. My father is dead. My mother is gone too. Those who rooted and shaped me, anchored and held me from a time before birth are gone.
They are not here, and I am.
I now live a long way from my childhood home, both literally and figuratively. And there are moments that I feel like a lost, little boy. Right now, I do.
This afternoon I took a drive for a few moments. I found myself in one of this area's cemeteries. I've done a lot of committal services there. I remember some of these residents. I think about dad's new home, the place he has wanted to be for the last several years, with Mom. And though part of me is glad for him, and part of me is relieved for myself and for my brothers, I am alone.
I know this will pass. It has before. It has for others. But for now, my dad isn't here, and I am.
I just finished reading "A Circle of Quiet" by Madeleine L'Engle. Her closing paragraphs:
"Gregory of Nyssa points out that Moses's vision of God began with the light, with the visible burning bush, the bush which was bright with fire and was not consumed; but after-wards, God spoke to him in a cloud. after the glory which could be seen with human eyes, he began to see the glory which is beyond and after light.
The shadows are deepening all around us. Now is the time when we must begin to see our world and ourselves in a different way."
I want eyes to see what lies beyond and after, not for him, but for me.
This past week, or week and a half, my mind has been drawn to the stories of teenagers killing themselves because of their sexuality. I know I am not alone in my concern, but I have, for too long, been too quiet in my views on this subject. This, from Ellen Degeneres (of whom, I am not a fan, although I do not dislike her. I simply don't watch her) served as a wake-up call to me.
One of my greatest regrets is that the faith that I have chosen to be a part of is often, and largely cited, as being an important factor in the attitudes we have toward homosexuality.
I will admit that my entire view of sexuality is changing. But I know that the way we are choosing to judge people on this issue has been incredibly damaging. So, I am writing this post, aware that my saying what I will say, will bring repercussions. But folks, I think the conservative church has it wrong. And here's why...
Conservative Christianity claims to "believe the Bible." The longer I am in ministry, the less sure I am of what that means. I know most of us are well meaning in trying to follow what we understand to be the dictates of God, and that leads some to seek to follow Scripture literally, at least the parts that they agree with literally. But we somehow turn a blind eye to the other parts with which we don't agree, or which don't support or speak to our concerns. I am constantly amazed that we often misuse the principles of grace, mercy and love, in our efforts to be vigilant about faith. We look at life through a narrow lens, quoting chapter and verse that espouse our views, without thinking through how it applies to the whole.
I find it easy to apply the bible to everyone else, but it isn't so easy when it challenges my beliefs and decisions. When it's about 'you' I can be a literalist. That applies big time to our contemporary discussion of Homosexuality. So I am about to do what I am loathe to do... Point out my understanding of what the Bible has to say about the subject. I know this will get me in trouble.
The Bible never addresses the subject of Homosexuality as a sexual identity. Sexual identity was not a part of our understanding of human existence until recent years. The Bible contains references to specific acts of homosexuality, in specific contexts. The idea of two people in an intimate, loving homosexual relationship was unknown in the Biblical world, and it is not addressed in the Scriptures. Specific acts are addressed. And there are six, count them, six of them.
Genesis 19: 1 - 29- The Story of the destruction of Sodom. This story is about the men of the city wanting to commit a homosexual rape. We cannot condemn a sexual orientation because of a rape.
Judges 19: 1 - 30 is basically a retelling of the Sodom story in a different context. This time, however, the men actually do rape someone- a woman. And the passage speaks to the need of God's love in a brutal world. Both this passage and the Genesis passage are condemnations of ignorance and sexual brutality- not homosexuality.
Texts 3 and 4 are both in Leviticus and make up a part of the Old Testament Levitical code.
Leviticus 18:22 – “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”
Leviticus 20:13 – “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”
These codes no longer apply to the Christian community. The book of Acts, specifically chapter 15 make it clear that the Gentile community cannot be held to the Mosiac standards. Christianity does not demand compliance with this ancient code of behaviour. If it did, we would have to comply with it all, meaning we would have to keep kosher (which may actually not be a bad thing, but that is another subject), we would have to make room for polygamy, which is lawful in Leviticus(talk about a redefinition of marriage) And all of us would be stoning our children for disobedience. Unless you are prepared to obey all the laws in Leviticus, you cannot blame the homosexual for not feeling bound to obey all of them. To point to these two verses and demand selective compliance is ludicrous.
The Old Testament has nothing specific to say about homosexuality. Jesus has nothing to say about the issue. Absolutely nothing. It simply was not an issue for him.
Paul discusses it twice. TWICE. These are the only two mentions of homosexuality in the whole of the New Testament.
I Corinthians 6:9 – “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders”
"Male prostitutes" and "homosexual offenders." Can someone explain to me why we would condemn an entire orientation because of the prohibition of these very specific behaviors?
The Greek words Paul used in this passage mean a young, effeminate male prostitute and the word for the older man who paid to have sex with him. There are some problems with translation here, I will admit that. English does not have an adequate word for the Greek term.
Yes, The New Testament condemns prostitution and a system where a younger man makes his living committing sex acts for money with older men. But we cannot condemn homosexuality in general because homosexual prostitution was condemned. Paul condemns many heterosexual acts in his writings, even in this very verse, yet we do not condemn heterosexuality.
Romans 1:18-29 is the last passage we shall look at. It is the one most often quoted, and it is clearly the closest thing we find to condemnation in the New Testament. Verse 27 is the most specific verse.
I simply ask you to read this entire passage with an open mind. In it, Paul says that those who reject God will be given over to "shameful lusts”. They will engage in many acts that are not pleasing to God. Men will “burn with lust for one another.”
In Paul's experience, the only homosexuality he knew was that practiced in the non-Jewish world and probably tied to pagan temple worship. He claims that homosexuality is one of the punishments for those who reject God. But what are we to do with gentle and committed Christians who love God and worship God, but who tell us that they have a homosexual orientation?
Many homosexuals are not haters of God. Many of them are Christians. They have not rejected the Creator. Nor do not burn in lust for each other and run around committing scandalous acts. They are quietly committed to their partners in love. The dilemma here is that the homosexual Christians I know just do not fit the picture Paul gives us in Romans.
I'll be honest- I don’t know exactly what Paul meant by this passage. I know he was describing people who chose not to worship God and then "burned with lust for other men." I don't know exactly what he meant, but I know this DOES NOT describe the homosexual Christians I know, who love God with great passion.
Because of my inability to make clear sense of these passages, I am willing to allow a person's sexual orientation to be between him or her and God. I am willing to take a chance and err on the side of compassion and inclusion.
There are 6 passages that are thought to address the subject of homosexuality. The Old Testament passages are easily dismissed. And the two New Testament passages are ambiguous at best and easily open to interpretation.
I do not believe that the Bible teaches that homosexuality is sinful. I simply do not. And even if you do not agree with me, would you at least agree that the Scriptural witness is ambiguous? And if so, shouldn't gay men and lesbian women be treated with the same mercy, grace and support that you feel should be shown to you?
I think it is time to move on, to recognize that all committed relationship, heterosexual and homosexual move us closer to understanding the call to the wholeness of God. Maybe if we stopped condemning, maybe young men and women would stop dying. Please, God, let it be so......
